TPB of Unbillable Hours has got rant going on about the horrors of leaving one’s legal work in the care of the dread typing pool. It’s not his first rant, but it’s a good one. But fear not, since no matter how bad you think they might be, when you’re around it as long as I have been (since 1977), you realize it could just be so much worse!
In my line of work, such things are usually called secretarial misadventures. Some are humorous, some are just plain stupid, most don’t cost anything but a bit of embarrassment or chagrin. Some have lost cases and definitely cost a few jobs. Those are the ones that wake me up in the middle of the night.
So far, however, I can proudly boast that in my 25 years of being a legal secretary, I have never
1. left an incriminating post-it note on a sheet of paper before copying it and passing it on to the “dumb ass” referenced on said post-it;*
2. Sent a blind carbon copy of a trial strategy letter to plaintiff’s (or any other unfriendly) counsel;*
3. Set my boss’s wastebasket on fire;
4. Wrecked my boss’s car;*
5. Slapped my boss;
6. Called my boss an ugly name (at least not where they could actually hear me!);
7. Missed a calendar appointment or deadline;
8. Misaddressed a federal express or UPS package and had to dangle myself inside the bin to retrieve it;*
9. Fudged a date on a letter or “age” a package that I’d forgotten to send out.*
10. Addressed a letter to opposing counsel “Dear Satan” (if his name is Stan).
Pride goeth before a fall, you know, so I guess the Bossette better watch out tomorrow. I just jinxed myself!
* These incidents, as strange as they may seem, I can honestly say that I know for a fact happened. Just not to me, fortunately!