- DAMNITOL
- Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.
- ST. MOMMA’S WORT
- Plant extract that treats mom’s depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.
- EMPTYNESTROGEN
- Suppository that eliminates melancholy and
loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn’t wait till they moved out. - PEPTOBIMBO
- Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.
- DUMBEROL
- When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.
- FLIPITOR
- Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.
- MENICILLIN
- Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases
resistance to such lethal lines as, “You make me want to be a better person. Can we get naked now?” - BUYAGRA
- Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.
- JACKASSPIRIN
- Relieves headache caused by a man who can’t
remember your birthday, anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat. - ANTI-TALKSIDENT
- A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be
used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators. - NAGAMENT
- When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him.
Who Does She Think She Is?
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