Who Does She Think She Is?

Blog Post


Posted by Joni in General

I was poking around over on Acidman‘s site and found this great “questionnaire” which I think pretty much captures a person’s essence…. Since he’s snarfed a few items from my blog, I hope he doesn’t mind that I’ve appropriated this. After about a week, I’ll post it permanently over somewhere on the left.

Name: Joni
Nickname: Jonesy or The Jones
Astrological sign: Cancer
Age: 43
Height: 5′ 3″
Level of Education: H.S. Diploma (1976)
Occupation: Legal Secretary, Appellate Practice Group
Birthplace: San Antonio, Texas
Marital status: Long-Term Relationship
How many children: None
Do you drink (alcohol): Not often
Do you smoke: No
Favorite outdoor activities: Washing my car
Favorite indoor activities: blogging, web design, reading
Favorite color: Red (did you have a clue already?)
Favorite type of music: Can’t pick a favorite, but definitely do not like RAP
Favorite musical groups/performers: Armageddon (not the movie soundtrack, the obscure 1970s rock band), Scorpions, Shakira, Acoustic Alchemy, Jarabe De Paulo, Juan Luis Guerra, John Prine, Steve Earle
Favorite soundtracks: “Brokedown Palace,” “Breakfast Club,” “Clerks”
Favorite song at the moment: “King of Dixie” by Tommy Elskes
What’s in your home CD/Cassette player right now: (I have a changer so the list is long!):
1. Storyville, Piece of My Heart
2. John Prine, Anthology (recent birthday present)
3. Shakira, Laundry Service
4. Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young, American Dream
5. Charlie Musselwhite, Ace of Harps
6. Steve Earle, I Feel Alright
What’s in you car CD/Cassette player right now: David Sanborn, Change of Heart
Do you play an instrument: No, but I’ve always admired people who can. One ex-boyfriend I’m very fond of plays the guitar (and actually makes a living at it). He has a Mississippi Delta blues band, the Timbrewolves, and they play regularly in Austin, Texas. He’s got a great guitar collection too.
One pillow or two: Four, all with vintage crochet and/or embroidery (I collect them)
Croutons or bacon bits: Croutons
Favorite salad dressing: Anything by Paul Newman
Have you ever had your appendix or tonsils removed: Tonsils only
Have you ever gone skinny-dipping: Nope
Do you make fun of people: No, never.
As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up: A disc jockey
What would be your dream job now: Writer
Have you ever been convicted of a crime: Yes (I’m a writer, mostly fiction. Wink, wink.) But it was a LONG TIME AGO. And I know better now. But hey, it gets me out of jury duty.
Places you’d most like to visit: Australia, and especially Sydney (yes, and that is a dream I’ve had since I was a child)
Your first car: 1976 Honda Civic CVCC
Dream car: 300ZX (which I’m currently driving!)
Toothpaste: Whatever is on sale at Sam’s
Shampoo/Conditioner: Clairol Herbal Essence for Normal/Oily hair
Favorite season: Spring (if you lived in Houston, you’d understand why Summer is simply NOT an option!)
Favorite holiday: Labor Day
Favorite board/card game: board: cribbage; card: canasta
Favorite hobbies: computers, my car, reading, traveling
Favorite sport to play: none (Geez, a man must have made this one up!)
Favorite sport to watch: don’t know if it’s a sport, but I love to watch ballroom dancing competition on PBS
Least favorite sport to watch: Name it and I probably DON’T like to watch it
Most humiliating moment: In the funeral car on the way to my mother’s gravesite (I was 20), my (evil) sister in law turned to me and said, “So, Joni Marie, when did you find out you were adopted?” I blinked, gulped and said, “Well, right now I guess.”
Do you have any siblings: Not actually. I have three half brothers and one step-brother (but technically, no, since I’m adopted and don’t know who my real siblings are, and couldn’t care less, I might add)
Do you get along with your parents: My mother is deceased; I never knew my father.
Favorite place to chill: My 1920s bungalow-style roach trap in Houston, Texas
Favorite place to visit: My brother’s house on Lake Medina, Texas (Texas Hill Country)
What is your bad time of day: Mornings (unless I have the day off)
What is your good time of day: Late evenings
Favorite perfume or cologne: Ralph Lauren Safari for Women (although I’ve also been known to wear Shalimar and L’Air du Temps)
Favorite scent of candle: Nantucket Briar by Crabtree & Evelyn
Favorite flower/plant: Tulips
Favorite subject in school: English (I was in Honors English all four years in high school and can write circles around half the lawyers where I work; no brag, just fact)
Least favorite subject in school: Math (geometry was okay, since it required some amount of drawing, which I found pleasurable; algebra, ugh!). I always wondered why we had to learn that really esoteric shit. Never once do I remember any lessons in school about how to balance a check book.
Favorite authors: Edgar Allen Poe, Alice Adams, Lisa Alther, Sue Grafton
Favorite book genre: True crime
Favorite book: “Kinflicks” by Lisa Alther
Current book I’m reading: “Wake Up, I’m Fat” by Camryn Manheim
Favorite magazine: Old Home Interiors
Favorite movie you have seen recently: Requiem for a Dream (2001)
Favorite movie of all time: Clerks (1994)
Other favorite movies: The Heart Is a Lonely Hunter (1968), Sling Blade (1996), Thursday (1998), Pulp Fiction (1994), The Three Lives of Thomasina (1963), The Women (1939)
Favorite actors/actresses: Tommy Lee Jones, Kevin Spacey, Norma Shearer, Johnny Depp, Meg Ryan (especially in “Top Gun”)
Favorite TV programs: Trading Spaces, anything on HGTV
Favorite cartoon character: Foghorn Leghorn
Favorite food: Steak, rare (knock its horns off, wipe its ass and put it on a plate)
Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate
Favorite ice cream: Bluebell. What other kind of ice cream should a Texan eat?
Favorite Snapple: It’s called Cherry Lime Ricky and they had it at our Randall’s here around 1994-95, but then it just disappeared!! If anyone knows where I can find some, please e-mail me!
Favorite alcoholic drink: Kamikaze (vodka, Rose’s lime juice and triple sec)
What is your bedtime: Usually around 2:00 AM Central time
Best on-line friends: The guys in Z31 chat (Devster, Nismoe Joe, Z-Bum, RedOctober, Mattback, J-Quest, love you guys!!)
Best friends: Besides Robert, who is my very best friend in the world, that would be Terry back home in San Antonio and Jill here in Houston
Worst enemies: Karen, a former friend of mine who let me down not ONCE but twice. The second time was my fault…. (Fool me twice, shame on ME.)
Interesting fact about your childhood: My mother was ill over the Christmas holidays when I was 4 years old; she was in intensive care and I couldn’t see her, but I did go to the Army hospital (Brooke Army Medical Center) one evening while she was there and heard the 5th Army Band playing Christmas music. Like a dumb kid, I associated that music with the HOSPITAL, not the HOLIDAY. The following June, while I was riding in the car with my mother on the way to the medical center for one of her checkups, I would start singing softly to myself what in my mind was the Hospital Song, “silent night, holy night…” — until someone clued me in. What a dumb little kid!
How many rings before you answer the phone: I’ve got a caller ID box and I use that muthah!
The first thing you think of in the morning: Where is my key-card (building security card)
Favorite thing to do when you’re home alone: Surf the net with WinAmp playing, singing along to my favorite MP3s
Things that make you feel good: Getting all of my work done before going home at the end of the day; going home when it’s still daylight outside (in the summer); cleaning my house from top to bottom; cleaning my car inside and out; ironing my vintage pillowcases (which I manage to do every week when I change them, regardless of what other housework does or does not get done.
Things you don’t like: Stupidity, laziness masquerading as stupidity, women who play dumb to get men to pay attention to them, men who pay attention to women who play dumb
Worst feeling in the world: The death of my mother. I don’t think anything else will ever come close to that.
Best feeling in the world: Having the person that you’ve loved pretty much all your adult life finally admit that they love you back! After we’d gotten back together in 1997, he said to me, “You know the only time in my life I’ve ever cried?” I expected him to say when his mother died or something else. But he said this to me, which totally floored me: “The day you left San Antonio.” You think you know somebody….
Do you get motion sickness: Yes, I have a bad case of it. Can’t go boating; can’t even sit sideways on the city bus; definitely cannot read while riding/driving.
Roller Coasters – Deadly or Exciting: Deadly
Thunderstorms – Cool or Scary: Awesome, but scary at the same time
Pen or Pencil: Pen
Do you like to drive: Only long distance driving. I’m really good at it, too. I should’ve been a long-haul trucker. My best time is from Orlando, FL to Baton Rouge, LA. (Left Orlando at 2PM EDT and arrived in Baton Rouge at 10PM CDT)
Do you sleep with stuffed animals: Are you kidding me? The bed’s already got me, Robert…. Well, let me back up, it usually has Sunny (24 pound orange tabby) and Simon (14 pound Maine Coon), and then if there’s room on there somewhere, Robert and I generally manage to squeeze in. Simon usually sleeps on my head.
Did you have imaginary friends or a blanket as a child: No.
What is on the walls of your room: Which room? For some reason, I guess because the stuffed animal question is still in the back of my head, I imagine you mean BEDROOM…. So, there, I have an antique fireplace mantlepiece with a mirror and carved filigree that hangs over my bed as a “headboard” and my favorite oil pastel (art poster) of the Mission San Jose by Caroline Shelton (San Antonio artist)
What words or phrases do you overuse: The four-letter variety, and I’m not referring to my own name
Coolest things anyone ever gave you: Robert gave me a great little Canon Sureshot camera for Christmas two years ago and I love it. An old boyfriend gave me a pair of sheepskin seatcovers for my old white 300ZX and I loved them.
How would you characterize your political leanings: Somewhat liberal. I believe in capital punishment, although to some extent, the writings of Robert Jensen are causing me to rethink this. I generally believe that crimes against persons should definitely be punished; I’m not sure crimes against property are all that grave (of course the ex- Enron employees would probably beg to differ with me). I believe in personal rights and although I am no feminist and have never been capable of bearing a child (so that was never going to be an issue personal to me), I still think that a woman should have the final say over her body (and anything contained therein). I think we have come far, far away from the Constitution that our forefathers envisioned. Someone once said that the Constitution was crafted so that we would have a sea of rights surrounding an island of regulation. But unfortunately, it seems to have turned around. And it won’t be long before we’re queued up waiting to get our foreheads stamped.
If you could pick one super-human power, what would you choose: x-ray vision, to go with my already well-honed talent of being able to read papers upside down on a desk.
Favorite Quotes/Lyrics/Poems:

1. Any of Samuel L. Jackson’s soliloquies in “Pulp Fiction”

2. “But I wasn’t even supposed to be here today,” Dante Hicks, Clerks

3. “What other people think of me is none of my business,” Dorothy Parker (the original Supreme Bitch)

4. The Poison Tree, poem by Sir William Blake (1757-1827):

I was angry with my friend:
I told my wrath, my wrath did end.
I was angry with my foe:
I told it not, my wrath did grow.

And I water’d it in fears,
Night & morning with my tears;
And I sunned it with smiles,
And with soft deceitful wiles.

And it grew both day and night,
Till it bore an apple bright.
And my foe beheld it shine,
And he knew that it was mine.

And into my garden stole
When the night had veil’d the pole,
In the morning glad I see
My foe outstretch’d beneath the tree.

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